The promise of polyamory and its limits: exploring the challenges of ethical non-monogamy
Polyamory is a new type of intimate culture based on the principle of non-monogamous commitment. While the semantics of the term is contested, polyamory owes its emergence to a significant extent to the self-help genre; its meaning resonates most strongly as a therapeutic promise of better, more authentic and more intimate relationships. Based on this therapeutic ethos, authors of self-help books and practitioners claim that polyamory is a model of relationship egalitarianism. They emphasise communication and negotiation skills, which together promise to reduce the complexities of managing multiple relationships.
While some research is focused on the potential of polyamory to subvert gender inequality, empirical studies on the effectiveness of polyamory as a model of relationship egalitarianism are limited. Few studies focus on the limits of polyamory as they relate to underpinning social conditions, nor do they tend to examine how those limits are embedded in overall societal changes. This thesis aims to clarify polyamory’s emancipatory potential in the context of heterosexual intimacy. It does so by distinguishing between transformative practices towards gender equality, and adaptive practices. On the basis of this distinction, the thesis asks: what are the limits of polyamory’s emancipatory promise?
Based on interviews with self-identifying polyamorists and ethical non-monogamists, and drawing on theories of social change and gender, the thesis identifies three intersecting factors: (1) institutionalised heterosexuality; (2) the individualisation of gendered power; and (3) social acceleration. Together these factors limit the transformative potential towards gender egalitarianism by obfuscating the different gendered experiences of non-monogamy. Instead of framing polyamory as a culture purely subversive of gender inequality, the thesis conceptualises polyamory as a cultural ‘bridge’ that promises its practitioners to be able to alleviate uncertainties that have become ever more pressing with the divergence of the ideals and realities of commitment in contemporary modernity.